Forsaking the lifestyle wasn't an option, I was in the enemy's camp, held captive against my will.
Surrendering to the slightest trap, my eyes full of adultery, with every stride that leads to nowhere.
Farewell, I said to this life and come into the new world. But to where? Is not all there is to this life? To eat, drink and merry for tomorrow we will die?
The days of the Renaissance, that is what I remembered, the classical arts, the literature, music filled with pervasive rhythms, the humanist way of copping with perverted world.
Masking my shame with more indulgence of sex, and alcohol, camping out with a companions of peasants, whose minds are forever fixated in strange idealistic notion.
Given to much wine, only drew me to deeper depression, the sounds and light, songs of a place, pictures of towns, crowds of happy couples, filled my heart with sadness. Where is God? I said.
Suffocating in my own Lust, I saw no hope, no companion, all but me in a lonely room, with the four walls gazing at me, and laughing at my distress, a life full of nothingness.
Then I rose up, must've missed the snooze button on my alarm clock, howbeit it was Sunday,a day I reserved for hangover recovery. What now? Go to church?
A place filled with old hags, little children, unhappily married folks, boring sermons that only make me yawn and fall off my seat.
Yet at this stage what do I have to lose? Staggering towards the lighthouse, the walk of a narrow path, the Iridescent rays, in the place I hear familiar songs, songs of victory.
Songs of victory? Mind racing like a speed of light, I can hear my heartbeats as I take each step towards the altar, there I surrendered, there I found my place of rest. Safely in His arms, Safely in the arms of Jesus.