A Journey to Absence

My heart is pounding. Days and days, I dreamt that my family will come from all sides of the country to sit once more and laugh and tell stories under the palm kennel tree.
I must pay the price, I must be brave, I don't want anymore dreams, I must walk this out.  Who cares if I was the black sheep, if I was the one who everyone despised? Who cares if my family was the most dysfunctional of them all?
I am now packing my bags, I am now leaving house, I am at the airport going to a town with colors. I am standing at the door of my heart.
When suddenly it hit me. My mind and my heart is now in conflict. Go or not to go. I need an answer.
The coming tomorrow is now fleating. I am no longer moving forward. The town with the colors had suddenly disappeared, the children's laughter has turned to tears.
I gathered my bags hurriedly, heading back to my house, to my own place of familiarity, back to my cave.
My head has finally did it again. He has brought me back into this place. Back into my own walls, covered in my own little world.

#character, #adventure, #absence, #perspective, #strength, #integrity, #journey, #dramatic monologue

A fig tree without figs

Open the furnace, give me the plant, burn while the young ones watch,
In vain you came, in vain you must go.
An unruffled garden, a seed of figs with branches​ full of thorns.
Pick the sugary plant and throw it back into the fire.
For the friend who wanted figs found nothing but leaves. While the plant grew, it grew without figs.
How is it possible? How can this be?
Perhaps the Swindlers have stolen the crops, or the storms of life in the evening have blown it down. Perhaps the wild birds ate the crops, or the sun might have scotched it.
But why are you still gazing at the plant? Burn it! Burn it!
It is just leaves!
It is of no use to the Gardener​ now but to be cut down from its stem and be thrown into the fire.
Why sit there and count the stars?
Cut it down from the root.
No more will this plant yield its fruit.
Throw it back into the fire!  The sugary plant, a fig tree without figs!

When love was buried.

Now as the undertaker lowers down the coffin,
Dissolution sets in,
We are finally heading to the road of Splitsville
How did we came to this place?
Buried beneath are thoughts filled with anger and betrayal, remorse of a lost dream.
Mind racing as the moments drags,
All too well, I can see that we have finally did it.
We have buried love.
So, is this what it finally feels like? Like a cancer it, burns and it feels up my heart with grief.
How much painful could it get?
Does the innocent child, still maintain his innocence?
Can he still do hide and seek with me, and play like any normal child again?
Or will he be dragged into the steering pot of alienation?
Where is my wallet? My keys? My heart? My story? How does one live?
Now I have to come to this conclusion. It has happened and it may be for sometime for me to stand. But whatever may occur I will be just ok. But what happens to love? Will it still go on? Or would just the remains of it become more excruciating?
 
#divorce, #betrayal, #child abuse,#cancer, #confusion,#eulogy