The Marathon Man

Salacious desires all around me I have figured it out so I thought, but it only brings about the shadow of sin. When they applauded my bad behavior, it leaves me out to become more audacious as ever.  Don't blame me it is my makeup from my ancestors which is attributed to their poisonous blood that passed through Adam. Fill me up with levity, mastering my own craftiness with lust,  uncommitted,  unsentimental, the art of persuasion,  I mastered.  Smothered with lust I found no satisfaction. My reward was insult,   shame,  but the stench was none effect , still I threw away nothing.  Though it brought about death,  yet surly and unkempt.  Though broken off by hatred, alone, and afraid the life of sin was more powerful than ever. Until I found death,  a death on the cross. There I wilfully surrender, there I died.  But at the cross I was also found.  The cross of calvary,  where my Savoir  Jesus Christ lay out his blood for me. Being transfigured, I am now set apart from death. Undeviating, I found harmony once again.  In reverence,  I surrender my life to Him.

anxiety

In my fears I see the walls closing in, the influences of all that strengthens me, brings me down, like a weight that is laid across my chest,  I am experiencing the stress from all sides, I see no platform to step on. Indeed you are with me yet I feel no comfort.  I wandered whether you have turned from me and let my enemies consume me, I stand out in the open like a sheep in the midst of wolves, waiting to devour my flesh. Your delivering hands, I know, hovers around me but moves slowly as a snail. Then I remembered how desperately I wanted to regain control of my fears. I rather go at it and cause the other party harm, smite my enemies with a rod and satisfy my flesh for it yearns for it. Besides, I am my father's son, born in the generations of those that seeks blood and quench every fire with a fist. Nonetheless,  destruction comes in and seals my faith.  I will surely sow a seed and reaps tenfold of what I cultivated.  Death is the man that takes vengeance for his hands is forever stained in blood.  I cannot soil my soul with tears around my enemies, what if they see that, won't they mock and laugh me to scorn? For I am weary and burdened by the ways of the wicked. Won't you let me in on your plan to destroy the wicked? Who robs the blind and poor, and rapes the helpless,  who shuns the widow and steals bread from the fatherless? Then I will be appeased,  then I can sleep well for the Deliverer is at work.  But such ways are not your ways,  for you are not man, nor are you vindictive but forever a Restorer,  your strange work are reserved only for judgements for the unrighteous. Yet you give comfort and peace for those who love you. Help me not to bring shame to your Name rather help me to dispel my fears by laying it at Your altar and to wait on Your promises, for You O Lord are just.

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The Call

I heard the call, I heard my name.  The one that called me out of the crowd, he found me as I was, he whispered to me softly "come, and follow me, and I will make you fishers of men".  There I stood, mesmerized, I was the least of them, I was the one nobody wanted, I was an outcast from my own people,  a nobody, a loner,  my identity is based on my work,  I have no companion, only a lost man, a sinner.  He offered me eternity,  the greatest gift a man like me can have , a man heading to nowhere but hell. In such confession, to follow him and live for him. The wonders of it all is that I have found myself at last.